this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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