I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
