omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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