There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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