I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
