So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
