The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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