Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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