I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
