I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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