I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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