Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
