I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
