Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
