woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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