Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
