Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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