so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
