Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
