I think my fart just growled at me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
