We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
