rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize