She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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