He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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