but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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