Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
