Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
