LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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