We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
