I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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