So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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