I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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