just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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