quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
