...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
