So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
