Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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