But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
