could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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