i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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