'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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