Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
