why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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