ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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