lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
