she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize