He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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