people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
