How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
