Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize