it was like his penis was on wheels.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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