I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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