youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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