and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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