We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
