I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
