I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
