Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize