I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
