i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
