She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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