marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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