Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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