So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
