if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
