I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
