i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
