I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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