Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize